Touching Rainbows
by CrunchyRainbowTacos
Summary: My first fic.  How TwoBit's little sister, Kirby, spends her summer, making friends with a Flower Child, setting the kitchen on fire, and developing her first real crush. Summertime in Tulsa is anything but boring, even for a mute nine-year-old. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Hey there! This is my first Outsiders fic! Well...first of anything. I'm SUPER nervous...This has been floating around in my head for awhile, I just have to get it out. My friend "helped" me work on this one. Really, she just sat there and nodded and smiled when I came up with something XD So...yeah. Hope you like it, TwoBit is my favourite Greaser, I love him to pieces ^^**

**I guess I have to put this in, huh, that the Outsiders aren't mine? Okay, fine. I said it. BUT! I do own a copy of the book. It's beside me right now :) **

One

**Gestures are all** that I have. Sometimes they have to be loud, almost annoyingly so. And sometimes I get a little dramatic, it's the only way for my point to be understood. There are no word for me to rely on, because, to my disappointment, I am one of those 1,000 children born with broken vocal cords. My mama doesn't make enough money to get it fixed and my big brother is too lazy to get a job, so I'm stuck silent until further notice.

I jump up and down on my brother, TwoBit, trying to wake him up. _Boing boing boing_. A normal person wouldn't have to take such drastic measures, but it's not like I can yell at him to move his ass.

He won't get out of our bed. He's got a hangover. I kick his side one last time and go make us some pancakes. I find a note on the table, next to the salt shaker, from Mama.

Dear Kirby:

Please take TwoBit with you and go to the store and buy your darling mother some tomato sauce.

Love Mom

TwoBit's real name isn't TwoBit, it's Keith. Nobody calls him that. If they do, he'll beat them up.

I'm a good cook, I plan on being a chef when I grow up. I bring a plate of three neatly stacked pancakes into our room and use a fork to cut off a piece. Carefully, I try to put it in his mouth. He swears and turns over, a silent, half-naked lump under the blankets. _Zzz zzz zzz_...

Fine. I set it down next to him and went into the kitchen to eat my own. Damn it, they're so good. TwoBit dosnrt know what he's missing.

He`s supposed to walk me to school today, but he never really does. Neither of us tell Mama `cause she`d be so mad it wouldn't be funny. This day is no different than any other day, except TwoBit usually eats with me, he must be _very_ hung over, then.

After, I brush my teeth and put my hair in a ponytail. With my backpack on my shoulders, I visit TwoBit once more before school. He`s still asleep, the pancakes untouched. I kiss his nose _smoooooch_ and then walk to school myself.

**So there it is...EEEEE *scared shriek***

_Listening to: Rudy, Supertramp_


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow, I can't believe how many people like this! I was outside in my backyard when I when the reviews, and I literally ran circles around and neighbours were looking at me funny ^^ Anyway, thanks so much! **

Two

**School is drop-dead** boring. _Blah blah blah blah blah blah_ all day. I'm never bored with TwoBit.

When I get back home he's lying on the couch with a beer, watching Mickey Mouse. He loves Mickey, but I love Winnie the Pooh, and we always fight over who's better. He usually wins 'cause he uses words. Mama likes Bugs Bunny.

"Hey, baby,'' TwoBit says when he sees me. He sits up and I walk over to him. He pulls me into a tight hug and I wasn't ready. He ruffles my hair, noticing I've started putting grease in it, so I can be a genuine Greaser. Apparently, our hair defines us. I don't want to be an _un_-genuine Greaser.

"Damn, girl, you're lookin' more like your handsome brother every day."

I blush and point to my head.

"I know!" he says. "'Cept next time don't gloop it all over like that. I'll teach ya."

We go to the bathroom and he sits me on the counter. His beer goes next to me. He gets out the hair grease and plops a little on top of my head. It's cold and sticky. Then he pulls his comb out of his pocket and smooshes it all in. I whimper when he pulls at the knots. "See?" TwoBit asks. "You hafta spread it around, like peanut butter on bread. Don't keep it all in one lumpy pile."

I nod and wince at a really bad tangle.

"Oops." He yanks the comb out. I get the hell out of there as fast as I can. I come back and show the note from Mama to him.

TwoBit says, taking one last swig of beer, "Alright, let's go."

* * *

><p>At the store TwoBit sees one of his friends. He has a lot, so many I can't count them all on my fingers. This one, Dallas, is my least favourite 'cause he swears and yells and pushes people and smells more like beer than my brother does. He's probably ere to steal some cigarettes or something.<p>

I'm reading a _Peanuts _comic book while I hear them talking next to a giant pile of tomatoes. Geez. TowBit's dumb, Mama said tomato _sauce_, not a plain old tomato.

I walk towards him, careful not to touch Dallas, and tug on my brother's hand. I point to the tomatoes and shake my head no.

"What's the kid doin' here?"

"I'm babysittin' her," TwoBit says and I can't believe they're talking about me like I'm not even here! I may not be able to talk, but I sure as hell ain't deaf!

I wait for Dally to leave, and once he's gone for good I grab a tomato and fling it at TwoBit's face. Everyone gets real quiet, even the squeaky shopping cart stops squeaking. The tomato lands at his feet and juice drips down from his forehead and onto his T-shirt. It looks like he's hurt, like it's blood.

TwoBit's arms are suddenly around my middle and he's hauling me away. He's shaking, he's trying not to laugh to get us in more trouble. We leave the store, giggling crazily, without the tomato sauce.

* * *

><p>We go to the <em>second <em>closest supermarket. We grab the goods and head home, me holding TwoBit's hand in case we see Dally again. We don't.

TwoBit had cleaned himself up a little bit but that red will never come out. He's not mad at me, he's proud of me. He's giving me a speech on the importance of sticking up for yourself. I guess he knows he made me feel bad.

At home we eat spaghetti Mama makes. She's got off work early today and promises to read to me. TwoBit does that once in awhile, but almost _always always always_ he's out getting drunk.

Mama's smiling, but I know she's really tired. Working as hard as she does, Mama _should _be tired, TwoBit tells me. That's why I have to go and be a lawyer. I'd rather be a world-famous chef, though. Maybe I can somehow do both?...

* * *

><p>Mama reads me the next chapter of <em>Oliver Twist. <em>I hug her goodnight and lay alone in bed. I scotch closer to the wall, leaving room for my brother in case he makes it home soon enough to get to bed and not just crash on the couch.

I stay awake as long as I can, pinching my arms, but eventually I drift off. I fall into a sleep of poor London boys, Mickey Mouse and pasta.

**:) There you have it! **

_Listening to: Bicycle Race, Queen _


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi again! Just wanted to say thnaks to **Posidion'sDaugher445. **That means so much :) **

Three

**I wake up** in a bad mood. TwoBit isn't here, not even lying on the floor somewhere. Mama isn't home, either. I feel panicky. What am I gonna do by myself?

But then the toilet flushes and out comes the gentleman, his hair all ruffly and long 'cause he hasn't greased it back yet. I frown at him and cross my arms. How could he scare me like that?

"Hey, Kirby," he says to me. He doesn't sound sick. Maybe he slept at the Curtis'.

The Curtis' are his other friends, Darry, Soadapop and Ponyboy. I like them the best. Darry can throw me farther than TwoBit, Sodapop never gets annoyed with me, and Ponyboy is...Well, I kinda, just a little, have a crush on him. Only me and Mama know about it. If TwoBit found out, pretty soon the whole world will know and I would kill myself.

He's noticed my shitty attitude. "Who crunched your toes?"

I point to our room and raise my shoulders in an exaggerated shrug, hoping he'd be smart enough to understand.

TwoBit scratched at his chest with both hands, then a look of realization came across his face. "Well, they had cake-"

_Aha_! So he was at Ponyboy's! Their house is full of cake!

"-and a Mickey Mouse marathon was on T.V., then I tripped on the rug and couldn't walk-"

I hold a finger to my lips.

He stops. He looks guilty. He knows Mama is always working early in the morning and he's supposed to be here looking after me, 'cause she's rarely home after seven thirty. Him not being here when I wake up scares me so badly sometimes I cry.

I kinda feel like crying now, but when he smiles at me guiltily I can't get mad, or upset. I can just punch his stomach.

I write on a piece of paper, _I don't want to go to school_. I show it to TwoBit and he says," I don't want you goin' to school." A hooky day! We promise not to tell Mama.

TwoBit calls. "Good morning, gorgeous," he says. Eww. Mrs. White is _not _gorgeous, she's not even pretty. "Miss Kirby Matthews won't be in today, she has better things to do than-"

He stops, swears at her, then hangs up. "You're free!" he says. "Hallelujah!" He turns on the radio and we dance to Elvis, flinging each other across the room.

TwoBit takes me outside and we're walking down the street. I stop to scratch my head.

We have almost our own secret language. He knows what I think before I show it. He actually has no choice, I can't physically _tell _him.

"We're goin' to the DX,' he answers my silent inquiry. DX is the gas station where Sodapop works, with his friend Steve. We're probably going there 'cause TwoBit's hungry again and we ain't got much food in the cupboards.

* * *

><p>When we get there I'm greeted by an ever-joyful Soda. "Sodapop," is his <em>real real real <em>name, even says so on his birthday thingey.

He blabs on about his day to TwoBit, how he seen a nice blonde come in and buy a Pepsi. My brother loves blondes. Every girlfriend he's ever had has been a blonde. I wish I had gold hair, maybe he'd like me better and quit worrying me.

Steve's not here, he has the day off. I'm glad. Whenever he sees me he glares like I've done something to piss him off.

Soda gives me some liquorice and tells me to eat it fast before his boss finds out he's giving away food free. He gives TwoBit a beer.

I eat it fast, like Wonder Woman. Soda tells me not _that_ fast and laughs really loud.

While the boys are talking I read another _Peanuts _comic. I love Peppermint Patty, our hair looks the same. She's nice to Charlie Brown, unlike Lucy. I love Charlie Brown almost as much as Winnie the Pooh.

"Do ya think it'll ever happen?" Soda asks slowly.

"Jesus, man, I don't know. Nobody says it will. I don't care, she's still herself either way. Just...sometimes I wish she could do more. It's like she's stuck and can't go nowhere."

I stick my fingers in my ears. _La la la_.

Sodapop's boss stomps in and TwoBit grabs my arm and we run off with Soda saying," Come back soon!" Then the boss goes, "Damn it, boy, how many times do I have to tell ya to stop slackin' off?" I feel bad for getting Sodapop in trouble.

We "bum around town" as TwoBit calls it, meaning we walk the streets of Tulsa with me behind him with my arms around his waist 'cause I'm a little scared of meeting up with some Socs.

Around four thirty we go home. Mama won't be home for at least five more hours. TwoBit runs the bath water for me and tells me get in, I stink like a greasy Greaser girl. When I refuse, he chases me all around the house, knocking over chairs and pushing over tables and throwing pillows. He pulls me out from under the bed and I wriggle and fight with all I've got, but it's no use. He throws me in the water, fully clothed.

TwoBit is crying from laughter. His face is bright red and he's sprawled on the floor, clutching his stomach. I step out of the tub and point at the door, mocking anger, but I can't turn off my grin.

"No way, kid."

He hoists me into the tub again, then hops in, too, on the other side. Once he's in the water almost spills over the side.

We have a splashing war. Within ten minutes everything is soaked. TwoBit dries himself off, then me. He wraps me up in a towel and we sit, shivering, watching _The Three Stooges. _I like Curly, _nyuk nyuk nyuk_.

Mama eventually comes home and TwoBit leaves, promising me seriously he'll be back by one a.m.

Mama tucks me in, but is too tired to read me my book. I let her now it's okay.

I pinch my face to stay awake. I gotta stop doing that, but I can't think of what else to do to keep myself from sleeping. At one thirtyish, TwoBit comes in and flops down beside me. This is the only time he's quiet. He knows Mama needs rest. I help get the blanket over his big body and smile. He's late, but he kept his promise.

**There it is. Written while eating corn pops XD**

_Listening to: Kashmir, Led Zeppelin _


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi again! I had exams...:( But they sent me the WRONG. ONE. I'm home-schooled, right, so that sucks. I have to wait another three days now... **

Four

**Mama kills** **me** the next morning. It's not about skipping school, hallelujah, it's about leaving the bathroom a soaking mess.

She drags me out of bed at six am by my ear. TwoBit doesn't notice. Mama demands," Who made this mess? I spent at least half an hour cleaning it all up. I woulda gotten you to do it, but you was asleep. You need your sleep, it helps you think and if you're gonna ever grow up you have to be smart to get a job, alright? Why did you do it?"

Damn than lazy brother of mine. I swear to God sometimes I don't believe we're actually related. TwoBit was just trying to have fun, so I don't have the heart to tell her.

I'm grounded all day after school, no supper.

* * *

><p>I must be pretty dumb. Today is the last day of school before summer starts, and I didn't even know till I got there.<p>

At school I have no one to celebrate with, 'cause I only have two friends, Linda and Mary. We don't even play together much. The only reason they kinda like me is 'cause they pity me. At least they don't laugh when I write an answer to a question the teacher asks me on paper and hold it up to her.

I almost begin crying when the bell rings. I'm free! But I'm also grounded.

* * *

><p>Mostly I passed with A's and B's, looks like I'm going to grade five. I haven't asked him yet, but I'll bet TwoBit is gonna be doing grade twelve again.<p>

A couple hours into my solitude, TwoBit comes bursting in, laughing manically. "I heard what happened," he gets out between laughs. "And I thought I'd make it up to ya."

I smile-frown.

TwoBit pulls back the curtains and opens the window. "Ma won't be home for awhile. Wanna visit the Curtis'?"

He knows I can't resist. Besides, I have nothing to lose and Mama will never never ever find out. Any chance I get to be with Ponyboy, I'll take.

He jumps out the window and I follow a little too quickly. I land on top of his back _smoosh_. I hear something cracking.

TwoBit goes," _Ouch_!" and throws me off of him. He does this with such force, and the anger I see flash in his grey eyes scares me. But in a second he's smiling and laughing again, helping me to my feet. "What are you tryin' to do, kill your own brother there, Kirb?"

We get in his car. He makes me sit in the back, I _hate_ that. We cross our fingers and toes and pray it'll start. After some effort on his part, TwoBit miraculously gets it started and we take off. I stare out the window and watch trees and houses zoom past. My stomach suddenly lurches, I don't have a very good feeling. I can't tell TwoBit that, though, so I try to ignore it.

Darry's there to greet us. He used to frighten me 'cause he's so big, but he's actually really nice and we're friends now. Soda's there, too, and before I had a crush on Pony I had a crush on Soda. _Everyone _knows that and they're always bugging me about it. You can't blame me, Soda is a doll. But Pony's closer to my age, we have a better chance of getting married.

Johnny's there, too. He smiles at me and I give a little wave. It's not that I don't like Johnny or anything, I just don't like the scar on his face. It's strange being around someone who's been hurt so bad so many times.

While the others drink and eat chocolate cake and wrestle and discuss chocolate flavoured weeds, I have a deep intellectual discussion with Ponyboy. I hold my hands out and mime opening a book, then point at his chest.

His brow furrows, what he does when he's confused. It's the cutest thing.

I do it again.

"Oh!" says Ponyboy. "What book am I reading?"

Finally. I'm relieved. I shake my head.

"I'm reading _Gulliver's Travels_. Do you know that one?"

Yes, I do, I'm very familiar with it. Pony looks excited to tell me about it, though, so I let him go on and on and on to his heart's desire. His voice is like honey, I could listen to him all day.

While Pony is reading me chapter eight, the best so far, TwoBit comes and sweeps me away, telling me we're gonna both be in shit if Mama finds out what I've done. I wave goodbye to everyone while my brother carries me outside like a bride. I'm so happy, maybe I'm wrong about that sick feeling I had earlier.

I almost fall asleep while driving home. Perfectly content. I have a whole two months ahead of me. Then I feel a bump and hear a loud crash and TwoBit cussing his head off. We screech to a stop. I sit up, fully awake and look at him, panicked.

His shoulders are tence. "Kirby, Angel Cake, I, uh, I think I just hit someone."

**Dumb TwoBit :( **

_Listening to: Africa, Toto_


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi! I'm almost done school, just two exams left! Here I come, high school...XD Sorry this took so long :)**

Five

**_Calm down_, I** say in my head, _just stop worrying_. He couldn't have run somebody over, a person wouldn't make a sound like that. It'd be...softer? Holy shit, how would I know that?

I close my eyes and try to breathe, try not to have a meltdown like when TwoBit came home with busted up knuckles.

I'm concentrating so hard on not losing my mind, I hardly recognize the screeching uncontrollable laughter coming from my brother, who's standing outside and nearly crumpling to his knees, laughing. It's his stupid laugh, his _tee hee hee_laugh.

Still not getting what the hell he finds so funny, I climb out after him and prepare myself for a bloody body or something of the sorts. Taking a deep breath, slowly stepping past my sadistic brother, I look to the ground to see none other than...

A blue bicycle, with a scratch and a dent here and there.

God, I hate him. I hate him the way Dallas probably hates me, even if it only lasts a second. Then I'm just angry. Not hateful, but pissed off he could giggle at this while I'm almost crapping my skirt.

Then there's a girl running up to us, grinning. She has braces. A silver cat is meowing and leaping into someone's open window.

TwoBit stands up and shakes his head, like this is unbelievable. I'm still so shaken I can't move.

"Sorry, man," the girl says, bending down to get the bike in it's upright position. She's a Hippie, it's plain. She's probably a little younger than TwoBit with really long brown hair to her ass that seems to keep going and going and going. Her skirt is long and flouncy, her T-shirt tie-dye. She has no shoes on. There's a peace sign around her neck.

"That's alright, babe."

"I was just ridin' along and I seen this cat, he looked like he was limpin'. I threw it and just ran to make sure he wasn't hurt. I didn't think anyone would be drivin' by."

"It's fine," he repeats. "Just kinda scared us, huh, Kirby?"

I immediately take a dislike to her. She's stupid. Why would she do that? The bitch, what if I had a heart attack?

"Is your bike alright there?"

"Yes, you didn't hurt her bad. It was my fault anyway. Oh, I'm Constance Camona," the Hippie says, putting her arm across her stomach and bowing elegantly. "I live down there!" she exclaims like we care, pointing to a small, beat up green house similar to all others surrounding it. "I moved here a week ago. Have you met my sister, Bonnie, she's about your age-What was your name?"

"TwoBit, pleased to meet'cha, Miss Constant."

"Constance," threw a hand over her mouth, smiling. "Its Consta_nce_, you goof." Now she looks at me, as if only now noticing I'm standing right here. "Hi," she says, friendly.

I wave.

TwoBit puts his arms around me. "This here's Kirby, she's my sister. She can't talk. But she still drives me crazy."

"That's nice," she says, and I get a little fuzzy inside 'cause she's the first person who hasn't looked at me weird when they found this unfortunate truth out.

"Guess where I'm from?" she asks suddenly, letting the bike fall over again. "Springfield! In Illinois. Have you been there? It's far out."

I thought up 'till now," far out," is a term no one actually uses, but I rest my case.

She starts dancing. "_By thy rivers gently flowing, Illinois, Illinois_," she sings.

"_O'er thy prairies verdant growing, Illinois, Illinois_." Constance twirls in circles, her skirt billowing behind her like a tent.

"_Comes an echo on the breeze. Rustling through the leafy trees, and its mellow tones are these, Illinois, Illinois. And its mellow tones are these, Illinois_." She raises her hands to the sky, then taps her feet. I wonder how it doesn't hurt, bare feet all the time. When done, she bows again. "And that's only half of it."

TwoBit's a tad uncomfortable. He gets like that when he's around someone as crazy as he is, which isn't often. He won't be stood up.

"I don't know _those_words, but I know dear America's song."

The two start in on our anthem. I can't believe it, a Flower Child and a Greaser, my brother, linking arms and singing the American national anthem in the middle of the road.

And I love it. For once I don't even care I can't sing along with them. I'm fine just watching. I think, _We're gonna be friends_.

A car swerves past out little scene and honks at us. TwoBit teaches the guy some colourful sign language and Constance frowns deeply. "That was rude."

"_He _was rude 'fore I was."

I can tell Constance is sincerely upset. She lets go of him and says, sitting atop her bicycle, "I'll see you two later. This was real groovy!" She rides off with a shout of," Peace!" Her hair is long long long long long like Rapunzel's, flying behind her. Her bike makes an unusual squealing, and I believe TwoBit may have wrecked it worse than we thought.

TwoBit and I drive back home. I'm so tired by now he has to carry me in. Mama still isn't home, so I know God is on my side today. We didn't kill anyone, I made a friend, and Mama hasn't found out I've done anything wrong. He puts me to bed and tells me he's going to have a couple beers.

I raise an eyebrow. Why isn't he out with his buddies?

He guesses this. Smiling ruefully, he says," That girl wore me right out."

Then and there I decide I'm baking some cookies, sooner or later, and Constance will be the first to try one, Hippie or not.

***GASP* A hippieeeeeeeee?**

_Listening to: Breakfast in America, Supertramp _


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! How are you all doing? Great news, just finished grade nine :) WOOOOT**

HeDgEHoGsWiThSUnGlaSSeS, **thanks for the kind review. Kirby is nine years old. Sorry if I was being a little vauge there, I often forget little details...XD thanks again! :) **

Six

**TwoBit leaves early** the next day, but this time he stays to let me make him pancakes. He sits at the table, hair greasy, Mickey Mouse shirt ever present, holding a fork in one hand and a knife in the other. He's banging them up and down like a crazy Greaser. "Kirby, hurry up, a starvin' man's a grumpy man."

Oh _dear _Lord.

I sit the plate in front of him and then head off to make my own. I arranged his in the shape of a mouse's head, ears and all. I know he's happy 'cause I hear him yell," Hey, Kirby! Baby, thanks! This is exquisite!" I smile. As I'm flipping my own, TwoBit says, mouth obviously full," Kirb, where's the syrup?"

* * *

><p>I can't make cookies. Mama won't let me. "Cookies are not worth the effort," she tells me. Really, what she means is, "I don't want you making cookies for any Hippies."<p>

I'm mad at TwoBit. He has to go and mention Constance's lifestyle. If he hadn't said nothing, and I just told Mama I want cookies, she'd have had no problem.

With the two main people in my life gone, I'm home alone. I finish reading Oliver Twist, I cry and cry. I cry hardest when Nancy dies. I remind myself of Nancy, living in a shitty neighbourhood but still wanting to help little Oliver. Or, in my case, bake a friend some cookies. Hopefully I won't have the same end as her.

_Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap_. I kick the wall with my bare feet for a while, and when that gets boring, I decide I need to take action.

I know the Curtis' is always open to anyone. Sadly, I have nothing to make cookies with today so to occupy myself I head to Constance's, to find out if she's allergic to anything. I don't wanna end up poisoning someone by accident.

The walk makes me very nervous, I shake the whole way. I hate leaving the house without someone with me. It's probably beneath even a Soc to beat up a little kid. Still, the thought honestly terrifies me.

I get there safely. I hope she's home. Oh Lordy Lord. What if her parents don't like me? Horrible thoughts race through my mind. I can't stand having another person look at me the way substitute teachers look at me when I can't answer a question.

The door is a shiny red. It looks like Christmas with the green house. That kinda brightens my mood, and before I can say, 'Sam Hill,' I'm knocking away. Rocking back and forth on my heels, I wait.

Soon the door flies open, and I jump in surprise. The smell of weed instantly fills my nose. I guess Hippies and marijuana go together like TwoBit and Mickey Mouse. There, grinning with her braces and long dizzying skirt, is Constance Camona.

"The mute child!" she exclaims happily. And she doesn't say it in a mean way. That's just how she remembers me.

_The Flower Child_! I wish I could say. Instead I smile as Constance throws her hands into the air. "What brings you here in such a lovely day as today?"

I point at her.

Her eyebrows slide together. I notice she has a few freckles scattered across the bridge of her nose. "To see little old me? Ha ha!" She laughs so loud it's almost embarrassing. I hope no one hears. " Come on in, Kirby, I'll give ya the fifty cent tour. Hey, isn't that the name of your brother? Two Cent?" She takes me by my wrist and pulls me inside.

Not that it's a bad thing, but something tells me Constance is a little bit absent-minded.

**I love you guys so much ^^ **

_Listening to: Slip Slidin' Away, Simon and Garfunkel _


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys ^^ This chapter is pretty special because**** of the song in it. My Daddy used to sing it to me when I was little and I would cry...I'm such a suck XD **

HeDgEHoGsWiThSUnGlaSSeS, **thanks again! And yes, who dosen't love cookies? Cookie chapter is coming :) **

Seven

**Constance's home is** tiny, but clean and bright, homey and welcoming. The only things I'm not too fond of are the smell of pot, and the blaring music, some people called Simon and Garfunkel, who I personally feel aren't tuff like Elvis. I guess that's Hippie music.

"This is it!" Constance cries. "You have to see me and my sisters' room. Have you met them?"

I shake my head, feeling a little excitement well up inside of me. Maybe one is closer to my age. If Constance is so understanding of my, 'disability,' maybe they will be, too.

She leads me through some narrow halls with yellow paint. I step on her floor-sweeping skirt by accident. I hold my hands together like hands in a prayer, asking her for forgiveness.

She hikes it back up. "It's cool," she says. "So many people do that I can keep track anymore! There's this one boy, David...Gee, sometimes I wonder if he's doing it by accident."

It makes me feel kinda bad, but she's sorta asking for it with those clothes.

Inside a small room cramped with two beds and a dresser spilling over with clothes are a girl, about eighteen or nineteen, who looks exactly like Constance, save for the freckles and tie-dye shirt. She's wearing a green dress with small peace signs scattered all over it. A cancer stick's in her hand. She's reading a thick book, one that looks like something I would love.

"Hey," she says. She jumps off the bed, it squeaking loudly, putting the cigarette out in an ashtray. She prances up to me and Constance pushes me forward. "This is Bonnie! Bonnie, this is Kirby! She's a mute but she's very groovy."

Bonnie engulfs me in a hug, flinging her arms around me. "Nice to meet ya, Miss Kirby." Not to be picky, but Bonnie doesn't smell very good. Not only does she smell like pot, she also smells like she hasn't had a bath in a long time. Also, though it makes me ashamed and embarrassed I even notice it, she ain't wearing a bra.

I notice two peace posters on the wall, one above each of the girls' beds. They live by this whole peace and love thing. It's a nice concept, but I don't see how improper personal hygiene achieves this. Bonnie lets me go and pats my head the way TwoBit does, just not as hard. Her smile is goofier than Constance's.

"Can you sing?" Constance asks, then once more throws her hand to her forehead. If it had been anyone else I would be been hurt, but even if I haven't known the girl long, she's not someone you can easily be upset with. "Oops! I forgot. _We_can sing, if you like."

I feel weird. But I nod as enthusiastically as possible.

"Groovy!"

""Kay, " Bonnie says, smiling like she can't turn off her lips. "I'll be right back." Constance leads me outside while Bonnie runs off to grab her guitar, her bare feet slapping the floor.

Their backyard is much like ours, except the grass is much greener and taller. There's a flowerpot with a dying marigold, and three other empty flowerpots that must be waiting for their flowers.

Constance sits down with crossed legs and pats the ground beside her. Quickly I'm there. She lays on her back then and closes her eyes. "Don't you just _love_ the sky? I mean, like...Don't it make you feel small?"

I feel small even when I'm _not_ looking at the sky.

In less than a minute, Bonnie is rushing to us, a guitar covered in drawn on smiley faces around her shoulder and a tiny person who's tucked under her arm like a Christmas present.

Constance bolts upright. Bonnie falls down beside us and I notice the baby girl looks like she's going to be sick. Bonnie hands the baby to Constance like she's a rag doll that can be tossed around. Constance cuddles her in her lap. "Alice, say hello to Kirby, our new friend."

Alice is bald and her face is red. God, she looks like a tomato! But she resembles her sisters, the same pretty eyes and elegant nose. Maybe she'll need braces like Constance. Or maybe she'll prefer dresses over skirts like Bonnie. Babies are exciting 'cause you can never tell what they're gonna end up like. I wonder if Mama knew TwoBit was gonna be a joker even when he was tiny like Alice. I wonder if she knew I wouldn't have a voice. Not when I was in her tummy, but when I came out. She knew as soon as I was a second old. They thought I a dying 'casue I didn't cry.

Bonnie says, "Any requests? " Constance opens her mouth, but then Bonnie goes, "No?" Then she strums away to _You are my Sunshine_.

Constance is smiling and patting her knee, Alice is slowly crawling across the grass to me. I hold out my hands towards her, and she takes them, smiling at me with her damn adorable baby grin that could melt even a tough hood's heart. I'm fascinated. I always thought I had small hands when me and TwoBit hold them flat against each other, but with Alice, I'm the one with big hands.

Bonnie finishes with a nice, '_Please don't take my sunshine away_.' Her voice is better than Constance's, much better. It makes me sad, though, 'cause no matter how good she is, no one in this neighbourhood is gonna get nowhere in life, including a Flower Child.

_Listening to: Who Wants to Live Forever, Queen _


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi! So happy summer`s here, I can FINALLY START LIVING! **

HeDgEhOgSwItHsUnGLaSSes, **I`m so glad you like it! I`m pretty sure cookie chapter`s next ^^ **

Eight

**After six more** songs, Constance is bored, Bonnie's fingers are sore, and Alice is asleep. So now we're just laying down in a row, watching the clouds. I'm in between Constance and Alice. Being close to them is strange, with one smelling pretty bad and the other smelling like baby powder. My poor nose must be all confused.

"That's a turtle," says Constance.

"No, that's a donkey," says Bonnie.

"Or maybe like a...like an antelope."

"What's that look like?"

Constance twiddles her fingers towards the turtle/donkey/antelope. "Like that, silly."

The only thing I can see is a bunch of white fluffy clouds against a blue sky. Nothing special.

"Bonnie!" I hear a stern motherly voice call. The two girls sit up with those crazy grins and wave at somebody. I follow, and find myself staring at a lady who looks a lot like my mom, just not as pretty and with blonde hair.

"Hi, Ma!" Constance waves even more, flailing her arm around.

"Who's this?"

My cheeks flush. _Grrr_. I hate that. I look at Bonnie and hope she'll help me out, but both these girls have foggy minds and seem to not remember it.

"Well?" She takes some steps closer, I scramble to my feet. Respect my elders. "Speak up!" she snaps, making me flinch.

"Oh!" Bonnie snaps her fingers. "Mom, this is Kirby. She's our new best friend. She doesn't talk."

The lady shakes my hand. It's clammy. "Nice to meet you, Kirby," she says in not an overly-friendly voice.

I put on my best smile. _Streeeeetch_, my mouth goes. She smiles back, and it seems real this time. Then she walks past me and lifts Alice up from under her arms. Alice's face is less red, but the top of her head is still lumpy. "Take better care of your sister," she says to Bonnie. She goes inside, leaving the three of us.

I don't know what Bonnie did wrong with her. Maybe just annoyed her, 'cause her face was so red.

Constance waves goodbye to me, rushing after her Mom. Like she's scared if she won't. Bonnie leads me back to the street, leaving her guitar laying on the grass. She grins crazily, gesturing to her house. "I'm gonna get outta here one day," she says, eyes determined, voice strong.

I walk home with a Bob Marley song stuck in my mind while I bob my head to a song about being happy and not worrying.

* * *

><p>No one is home, as I thought. I'm bored and since I've finished Oliver Twist, I have nothing to read. If I weren't so lazy, I would walk to Ponyboy's and borrow a book. See if he's finished Gulliver's Travels. Pony's like my own little library. I love that fact almost as much as him!<p>

My mind keeps drifting back to the Camonas. I wish I were more at peace with myself like they were with themselves. I usually can't stand myself. Constance, at least, is peaceful. The way Bonnie looked at me, the way she told me she was gonna get out, told me that she meant it, that this is not what she wants.

So I sleep. I sleep all day until TwoBit comes home. He shoves me until I fall off the side of the couch. Then he picks me up and throws me over his shoulder. I don't think he's been drinking, usually I can tell. "How's my baby sis?"

I hit his back, but it doesn't have much effect on his fat self. "That's good. What'cha do today all by your lonesome?"

He won't let me answer 'cause he just starts pacing around the house. I eventually get tired of trying to hurt him and let him carry me all over. I'm actually almost asleep when he drops me on the kitchen floor.

"Damn it, I want cake."

I make a peace sign with my hand.

"Yeah?" he says, uninterested.

I wave it in his face. He grabs my hand and pushes it down to my side. Angry, I scribble Constance on my arm. TwoBit nods.

"And how was that? Did'ja do Hippie stuff or what? Smoke grass? You'd rather follow her around than us?" meaning the gang. He sounds pissed. His grey eyes are cloudy.

Not on purpose, I take a step back.

He throws his hands in the air. "What?" he demands. The Mickey on his shirt is smiling and waving at me.

He's not backing down. _I'm afraid of my own brother_. I turn on my heel and quickly walk away, my breath shallow with anticipation he'll follow me and interrogate me, but he doesn't.

**Enjoy your summer, guys! :) **

_Listening to: Under Pressure, Queen _


	9. Chapter 9

HeDgEhOgSwItHsUnGlaSSeS, **thanks again! Haha, you'r probably tired of me saying that XD PLEASE FORGIVE ME, cookie chapter is still in the works. I promise I'll make it awesome for you :) **

booksandmusicandmusicandbook,** thanks! I love your name. **

Sandy, **quit getting all sappy on me XD Go play your paino. (She's my sister)**

Nine

**I don't know** what the hell TwoBit's problem is. I thought he liked Constance, but maybe not. He can't be _that_ much of a baby to be jealous.

Well, not necessarily. When I was born, TwoBit hated me. He used to flick my face and whenever he was given me to hold, he'd drop me. He would squirt milk from my baby bottle onto my clothes. Eventually it got better, especially since Daddy left.

I don't remember Daddy too well. I was two and a half when he left. Mama cried all the time, TwoBit tells me. He says I cried all the time, too. When I ask him if he ever cried, he tells me," Like a river." But I can't picture my big tough brother crying. He also tells me I was a hard baby to look after, complaining for food and then not eating. But he's never said_ I_was the reason Mama was crying.

Meanwhile, TwoBit won't talk to me, and I won't talk to him. This goes on for a couple of days. I spend more and more time with Constance. Bonnie's there sometimes, and we have even more fun when she's with us. She lets me play her guitar, although I'm no good at it. Alice is there _always_. Sometimes she's cute but sometimes she's annoying and loud.

I've learned so much about Constance's beliefs. Some stuff is pretty obvious, like, "War is unhealthy for children and other living things." Other stuff is really deep. We spend hours talking about how we came to be. She talks and I agree or disagree, or write stuff on my hands and arms. She doesn't laugh at me. She doesn't even notice.

One day, while strolling around the neighbourhood, Constance says," Bonnie's leaving pretty soon, you know."

I scratch my head and try to scrunch my face up like I'm confused.

"Yeah," she goes on. "Now don't-don't tell no one, but she's tired of our Ma hackin' on her and she can't take it no more, Butterfly." Butterfly is the new name Constance calls me by. I don't mind it much.

"Yup," she says, staring straight ahead like she's talking more to herself than me. "She's a strange girl. Hates bein' locked up. Ma don't like her way of thinkin'. She don't care what I think, 'cause I'm still a baby to her." She shrugs her serious shoulders. I think that hurts her.

Quickly changing the subject, Constance asks, "Does it snow much around here?"

I hold my hand out, palm down, and make a sometimes yes, sometimes no gesture.

She laughs loudly again, showing off her braces. "That's groovy, it snowed a lot in Springfield. Froze my toes off, man."

That reminds me. I still have to bake those damn cookies.

* * *

><p>I never realized how much I love my stupid ass brother until he's gone. I miss him so bad, I wonder if I'm losing my mind. We only ever see each other at night, when he stumbles in drunk, and by then I'm usually asleep.<p>

Mama doesn't come around much, more than usual. Lots of times it's just an empty house. TwoBit out partying and me out philosophizing.

Finally, about a week into our family breakdown, I make a big Sorry sign for TwoBit and sit it by the fridge where he keeps all the beer. Then I sit in our room quietly and wait.

Mama comes home early. "Kirby? The hell's this?"

I run out to see her. She looks tired, older than she really is. It makes me wanna cry.

"This for me? Why're you sorry?"

I shake my head no.

"For who, then? TwoBit?"

Yes.

"Oh." She doesn't get why, but neither of us take the matter further.

Some hours later, after pizza and a bath, I'm laying around watching the news. Mama's in bed already. The door _creeeeeaaaaks_ open, and there's TwoBit. He reeks of alcohol, but that doesn't matter now.

He walks past into the kitchen without looking at me. I don't look at him. In a few seconds, he's prancing towards me with a stupid big grin I can't help but love. He bends down in front of me and sits his warm hand on the top of my head. His eyes are full of liquid, but that could be my imagination.

"Angel Cake," he says. "I'm sorry. I'm just..." he looks away. I've never seen TwoBit not know what to say. It makes me tremble.

He notices. "It's just I'm scared."

I close my eyes in case tears start leaking out. I shake with the effort, turning my lips inwards and biting down on them. In the distance a siren wails.

"I don't wanna lose my baby. You're my baby girl. You're my Greaser, baby girl. I love you how you are." I know for sure his eyes are watery now, as are mine. The only reason I'm crying is 'cause he's crying. I've only see him cry once, and that's years ago. I'm so afraid.

"And...And I don't want you leavin' me. Please, honey, don't leave." His voice is quiet, pleading. This isn't my brother.

I take his hand from my head with both of mine and squeeze it tight to my chest. _I ain't going nowhere._

"'Cause I like your friends. Just don't forget _me_, girl. Please don't forget good ol' lonely TwoBit." He's drunk, he's babbling, and yet I know he knows what he's saying.

Tears still pouring down my cheeks, I nod vigorously. I won't ever forget him. How could he doubt that? I realize I've finally figured out TwoBit's fear. It's not spiders, tight spaces or heights. It's being forgotten, being alone.

It's dark, but the flicker from the Telly gives dull light. I can see TwoBit's shiny cheeks. He gets up and sits next to me. He throws his arm around me. It's nice and secure. I'm an idiot. How could I ever hurt him like that?

I count his breaths until ten, then I count ten of mine before I completely conk out.

**Poor drunk TwoBit :(**

_Listening to: Baby can I Hold you, Tracy Chapman _


	10. Chapter 10

No Name**, I'm glad you loved it! Thanks so much ^^**

HeDgEhOgSwItHsUnGlaSSeS**, here's part one of the cookie chapter! :) **

* * *

><p>Ten<p>

**Winnie the Pooh**, my old plushie (who I thought was goddamned hid under our goddamned bed) is laying in my arms when I wake up. Goddamned brother of mine. I thought he had no idea about that.

Turning over, I find him laying there, looking tired but smug, one eyebrow cocked, eyes sparkling. He's probably hung over. He says, "I found dirty magazines under Kirby's bed."

I hug Winnie to my chest. Goddamn him!

Then another thought hits me: Those goddamned cookies.

I can't ever look at TwoBit the same way now. Maybe that's good or maybe it's not. Something between me and TwoBit is different now. I think. Like Constance would put it, we're at peace. Peace of mind or some crap. So, if that's true, I have no hesitation asking him for money.

"What for?"

I write out a quick answer. To my surprise, he nods and hands me five bucks. Sheesh. I can buy a lot more than cookie ingredients with that. Oh well.

Off to shop.

* * *

><p>The people at the store give me funny looks. They remember when I flung a tomato at TwoBit. I sigh happily as I pick out the flour. Those were the days...<p>

I check to make sure I have it all. Flour, sugar, milk, butter...Oops. I'm sure Ponyboy has eggs at his house. It should be fine. In the end I still have a dollar and a half, almost. Maybe I'll see a movie later. Or acouple.

Oh Lord. I'm praying he'll be home. It's unlikely, but it's always good to have a reason to pray.

* * *

><p>I swing open the front door to the Curtis', careful not to let the screen slam behind me. As soon as I'm in, that welcome home smell washes over me. It's like chocolate, cancer sticks and that natural smell everyone has mixed into one. I love that smell more than TwoBit after a shower and he uses that special soap.<p>

I set the bag in the kitchen and start opening all the cupboards, getting all the stuff out. I start singing _Poision Ivy League _ in my mind. I'm going about my business, swinging my hips and making the Elvis Face, when I hear scruffling feet behind me.

I could scream. It's Ponyboy!

_Ick_. His skin is all pale and waxy. His nose is bright red and there's a kleenex box tucked under his arm. He's as sick as a dog.

"Hey, Kirby," Pony says, his voice all gross and nasally. I have to restrain myself from leaping at him and smothering him in hugs and kisses.

I settle for waving until my arm aches.

"Are you makin' somethin'?"

I nod, holding up the shortbread recipe.

"Yummm," says Ponyboy. "I'm goin' back to bed. Take as long as you need."

How nice of him! I just wanna run around and hug _everything_! I don't care if I get sick.

He allows a small smile. Good old Pony, happy even when he's sick. You just gotta love him.

I go through all the incredibly boring steps involved in baking. I still can't believe how amazing I am. Holy shit.

While I'm waiting for the cookies to turn brownish, I quietly pad into Pony and Soda's room. Snotty tissues litter the floor. Pony is laying in bed, asleep, the box of Kleenex still right beside him.

He's so adorable, even like this. I could seriously just sit here all day and stare. And I do, at least for fifteen or so minutes. Hopefully he doesn't wake up and realize I'm a dipstick. Then I remember the cookies, and once again I'm back into life.

A couple of them got burned. Only a couple. I place them neatly on a plate. I walk back into Pony's room and leave three on the desk beside him. With a heavy heart, I take the rest and leave.

Just as I'm about to leave, I frantically turn on my heel and rush back to Pony. I lean over his sleeping form and plant a small, loud kiss on his sweaty forehead. His skin is soft, slightly wet, obviously sickly. I pry my mouth away and look down at him, one half wishing he would wake up and kiss me back, the other half...I'm too afraid to think of.

His nose twitches (adorable) but that's all. My hand hovers above his hair. I feel like stroking it back, the way TwoBit does when I'm sick. But I don't.

On the way to Constance's, my lips are tingling. It feels like they're still somehow glued to Ponyboy. I feel like I'm gonna burst.

_Listening to: Crime of the Century, Supertramp _


	11. Chapter 11

HeDgEhOgSwItHsUnGlaSSeS**, thanks again, I'm glad I (Kirby XD) make you smile :) **

Eleven

**I can only** imagine how dumb I look, walking around the poorest part of Tulsa with a tray of shortbread cookies.

I walk towards a Greaser who's probably eighteen or nineteen. His hair is red and he has freckles aaaaaaall over his face and arms. It's strange I don't know who he is until I get closer.

Bacon, his name is, but I think it's really Duncan. Like my brother, he wasn't known by that. The only reason I know him is 'cause he stayed at our house a month or so when his Ma kicked him out, a couple years ago. She eventually let him back in. We had fun during that time. We once had a food fight, after TwoBit dropped mashed potatoes onto his lap.

He just laughed, but I know he's really sensitive, like Ponyboy, only worse. It probably really hurt his feelings. He slept on the floor in our room sometimes, and when he thought we were asleep, he'd cry, or sing, or mumble stuff to himself.

Bacon looks nothing like I remembered him. At least his face looks nothing like I remembered. His happy baby blue eyes have turned cold and tired. His hair is greasier than ever before. His freckles are angry. Because of these things, I'm really not sure if I should say hello or not. Before I can decide, a cookie is swiftly swiped from the top of the pile.

"Kirby," Bacon says. His voice is still as sweet as last time. He was quite the singer. I teared up when he sang Al Jolson's _Angel Child_. He especially liked singing when he was drunk with TwoBit.

I smile as best as I can, if somewhat nervously. I watch his hand as he pops the cookie into his mouth. There's a long, bumpy white scar starting just below his wrist all the way to the space between his thumb and index finger. That's new.

"That's good," he says through a mouthful. I swell up. My first critic approves! I make a gesture with my arms and my eyebrows. How have you been getting along, Bacon? Although I can guess the answer.

"What?"

I do it again.

"Sorry, doll, I'm not..."

By this time I'm usually very self-conscious. Either I'm off today or Bacon is an idiot.

He stares like I have three heads. My lip's quivering. Doesn't he remember?

Suddenly it clicks. "Oh, yeah," he says. "Ya can't talk. Right." Bacon mutters something else I can't understand like I'm not there. Damn it, _I'm not deaf_.

He steps right past me, hands shoved into his jean pockets. No goodbye or apologizes. And that's the last of Bacon.

* * *

><p>Constance is crying when I get there. Big, fat tears that stream down her face. She doesn't bother to wipe them away. She's got that cloth thing moms carry babies in wrapped around herself with Alice sitting in the front of it, drooling all over her big sister's shirt and peace necklace.<p>

I rush in and place the cookies on the nearest table. They all of a sudden don't seem so important. I touch her arm. She pats my hand.

We sit on her bed and she still hasn't let go of my hand. Alice is fussing so Constance takes her out and sits her next to me. She can't talk, she's sobbing so badly. I don't move. Just let her cry and squeeze my hand until it hurts.

Finally, she wipes her eyes. "Bonnie left," she whimpers. "To New York. She-she said she'll send me a postcard later."

Constance had mentioned something like that earlier. But I hadn't taken it seriously. Neither did she.

I mouth _I'm sorry_.

Constance nods. She pulls my head against her chest and rests her chin on my head. Some of her teardrops land on my hair. Some trickle down onto my nose. I wanna scratch them away. I don't, I can't move.

"But I'm _happy_, too, Butterfly," she tells me shakily. "Mom stopped talking to her. She'll be happy now. Right, Butterfly?"

I try my hardest probably ever to say something, to actually talk, but all that comes out is a strange, muffled squeaky sound. Constance lets go of me and pinches my cheek, with a very sad smile. "Ally needs a bath," she informs me. She lifts Alice up and places the baby in my arms unceremoniously. "Come on."

* * *

><p>Babies sure look cuter when they're covered in bubbles.<p>

"Mom's workin' extra 'cause Daddy broke his back at work," Constance says distractedly, washing Alice's left arm. "He's in the hospital. He'll be okay, doctors tell me. That's groovy." She lets Alice's arm go and takes her right one.

I take a fistful of the bubbles and throw them against the wall.

"Why'd you do that, Butterfly?"

I dig through one of her cupboards until I find a pen. I write on my hand, _Like clouds. Shapes_.

"Oh!" Constance snaps her fingers. "Um, that looks like a...cheerio."

Alice slaps the water and screeches in baby delight. I throw another one. Alice claps her little hands and tries to touch it. Constance grabs her wrist and pulls it away. Alice screams, her sister lets go and the baby proceeds to smoosh it all around.

We throw a bunch more. My arm, from the palm of my hand, to just past my elbow, is covered in blue ink with words like,_ Dinosaur, strawberry, glasses, rocket, stack of books, sunshine, TwoBit, dog..._The last one before Alice gets annoyed, Constance says looks like Elvis' tassels. I tilt my head and study the bubbles' shape very hard. It started off big and shiny, but then it started drooping sadly down the wall. At last I write on my arm, _Bacon. _

* * *

><p>Constance breaks up a cookie into a ton of tiny pieces and places them in front of Alice. Alice picks at some pieces for awhile until she eventually puts some in her mouth. She smiles. She reaches for more. Constance is shovelling them down like you wouldn't believe. I think it's what Mama calls, 'Stress eatin'' or something along those lines.<p>

The house is really empty without Bonnie. I don't know Bonnie as well as Constance. But from what I do know, she has a great sense of humour, loves to sing and is good at it, and firmly believes what she believes in, no questions. She can't be tied down, and that's why she needs out of here, even if being free means leaving behind her sisters.

"She has a bunch of buddies," Constance drones on. She never calls Bonnie by her name, just, 'she.' "They all took off in an orange van. She brought almost nothing with her. Just our family portrait."

I think of Bacon, Duncan. What happened to him to make him turn that way. Hurt over something no one but him knew, stormy. He used to be so different. I saw him for a minute and I could plainly tell that. I think of Bonnie, too. What happened to her to make her want out so bad? And then Constance. Like Bacon, things could change so quickly, and everyone can see this.

Constance pats my back. "Butterfly, there's a little too much salt in the cookies," she says.

_Listening to: Dancing Queen, ABBA _


	12. Chapter 12

HeDgEhOgSwItHsUnGlaSSeS**, I didn't know it's so important to you! Here's some water, fishy, PLEASE DON'T DIE!**

Twelve

**Life is falling **apart.

I want to explain this to TwoBit, but he's real tired and probably won't listen to me. I'm frazzled, disoriented, don't have the gumption to anyway. I write on some paper, _Do you remember Bacon_?

"Bacon..." My brother scratches his chin. He _harumphs_. He shrugs, opens the fridge, grabs the carton of milk. I hold onto his wrist and put it back away. I know he drinks milk like the dickens before he feels like drinking..."adult" things. That's what he calls beer. It's almost like he doesn't want me to know what he's doing.

I can't let that happen today. Sometimes you just _need _your stupid brother with you. I give him sad eyes.

TwoBit throws his arms in the air. "Damn it, Angel Cake, _fine_." He slumps onto the couch and turns over. Again, a silent lump, muttering something about babies and watery eyes. A Charlie Chaplin movie is on T.V.

'Cause Mama ain't home yet, I think it would be nice to make us supper. I try soup. Soup, that liquidy kinda stuff is easy, right? I've never made soup, but what tuff cook can't make soup? Just take some vegetables and put them in a bowl and stir it around. Piece of chocolate cake. Inwardly I grin. Ponyboy...My lips start tingling again and I turn them inwards and bite down to make it stop.

I pour some water into a big pot and throw in some carrots, broccoli, a cut up hotdog from the fridge, little pieces of lettuce, and noodles. Long, spaghetti noodles. Ma's apron is lying on the table, so I put it on because it must be lonely sitting all by its lonesome there. Now I feel official.

"Kirb," TwoBit calls. "The hell you doin'?"

I don't tell him. I'm too busy focusing on which spoon to use.

"Kirby?"

Maybe the wooden one...

"Kirby!"

No, I can't give our tongues slivers...

"_Kirby, get your ass out here_!"

Damn. I fling off Mama's apron and toss it over my shoulder as I walk to my lazy big brother. I stare at him laying there with my arms crossed and let out an exaggerated, irritated breath.

"Whatsa matter?"

I shake my head, mouthing the word _Nothing_ very deliberately. There's a glint in his eye that gives me a bad feeling. He cocks an eyebrow, and just like that, it's a desperate race to our room. What a race it is. I start in front, but TwoBit is a dirty rotten cheater, so he trips me to the ground.

So I reach out and pull on his ankle with all my might. Alas, to no avail. He flies ahead unhurt and just as I'm getting to my feet he's triumphantly standing over me, my precious Winnie held carelessly in one hand. In the other is a gleaming, sharp blade.

I glare daggers. But I can't move. This must be what it was like when Dillinger robbed banks, except instead of a person it's Winnie the Pooh, and instead of a gun to the head it's a knife to the throat. "Tell me what's wrong, baby, or Willy gets it!"

I roll my eyes. _Willy_.

"Oh. Maybe this isn't enough." TwoBit flicks the blade back in place and tucks it in his pocket. Then he takes a couple steps back into the bathroom. Oh crap. I accidentally smile. No time to laugh at my own jokes! I follow, cautiously, and Winnie is there, suspended over the toilet by his left ear.

He damn better not.

"Kirby, babe, we can make all this go away if you just tell your brother what's eatin' ya."

I hold up a finger to signify, _Just a minute_, and run out to grab a pen and some paper. He wants the truth? I'll tell him the truth. His secret lover is gone. Well, this may be untrue. But I have suspected TwoBit doesn't hate Bonnie as much as he used to. Not like they've ever met..._as far as I know_. Then again, TwoBit only dates blondes. I doubt he'd screw a brunette like Bon, even in secret. Maybe if I were blonde and didn't have Peppermint Patty hair, he'd look after me better and remember to pick me up after school on Thursdays.

Something doesn't feel right. My nose twitches. The undeniable smell of something burning. I slide into the kitchen to see Ma's apron has bursted into flames. _Shiiiiiiit_. All I can see is smoke. It rises from the smouldering cloth. Damn, why didn't I pay more attention?

It spreads quickly, engulfing everything it touches. TwoBit is screaming the F word over and over and over again. "_SHIT, WERE GONNA DIE, KIRBY! SHIT_!" He blows on it and flails his hands around like this should help. I would have no doubt laughed if this is a different situation.

TwoBit is now spitting on it. God, we're not related. If we was, I'd have killed myself sooner.

Now he's smacking the stove, the counter, the cookie jar with the burned up Oreos. Glass flies, as well as cookie crumbs. The fire is catching up to the curtains.

By accident, while splashing coffee mugs of water which appears to be helping somewhat, TwoBit knocks my soup over. It crashes to the floor with a loud _splash _as hot water and veggies that aren't even close to being cooked spill all around in ugly puddles. Some stuff slides under the fridge.

TwoBit continues hitting the flames, swearing, and I keep throwing water on them. We're both careful not to step in my ruined soup. Too bad we don't own a red heavy thing that gets rid of fire like on commercials.

After several cusses and stubbed toes and near death experiences later, we've gotten to the point where the flames are tiny, like embers that float around in the air from a crackling campfire. We are still screwed no matter what. Mama's gonna be home any second.

The curtains halfway up are burned. The cookie jar is smooshed, and more importantly the cookies themselves. Lots is burnt beyond recognition. Two and a half cupboards are completely black. Buckets of stinking damn shit. I'm worried TwoBit will be mad at me. I get to my hands and knees and start cleaning the soup up, all the broccoli and carrots and hotdogs. _My soup, damn it_.

He knows I'm guilty, as well as pissed about my soup. "Baby," he says," it wouldn't have been good anyway."

That helps. I bet he's right, though. Never do something when you can't fully concentrate on it. Tears well in my eyes as TwoBit kneels down next to me and wraps his arms around my shoulders. "We could have died," he says, like he's justifying his earlier actions.

I nod. _I know_.

Just then the front door opens and in walks Mama to the smell of smoke and sadness.

"Shut up and let me talk," he tells me, standing up. "Dig?" He lifts me into his arms and walks slowly towards Ma who's still not moving. She's in shock. Her chin is shaking so bad I want to reach out and hold it for her. TwoBit suddenly begins snickering. I can't _not_shut up. If I were able to speak, shutting up is the last thing I would plan on doing.

"What-what?" Mama stutters.

"Kirby had a little..._accident_," TwoBit explains, patting my head. "But, uh, your babies are still alive and well..."

Mama walks briskly into the kitchen, her high heels clicking.

TwoBit rushes after, bouncing me along. I with he'd put me down. Why won't he? He's clingy like hell. "Mom, don't go in there, Mom, _Mom, Mom_, Mom!"

But she already has, and she lets out the most terrifying, milk and blood curdling, ear-piercing, better than Janet Leigh's in _Psycho_, scream I have ever been around to hear.

_Listening to: No Reply at all, Genesis_


	13. Chapter 13

HeDgEhOgSwIthSuNGlaSSeS, **wow, congratulations! You're my fiftieth reviewer ^^ For that, I present you with a blade, some hair grease, a pack of Kools, and a cookie. Please enjoy!**

No Name, **I'm very glad you luv it. I'm sure it luvs you back x)**

Thirteen

**Mama's face is** a mixture between hate worse than Dallas' at me when I kicked his leg playing Hide-and-Seek-With-Your-Eyes-Closed, and just plain old shock.

Eyes still stuck on the mess, Mama asks, "Who did this?" Her voice is shaky.

TwoBit is quiet. I'm even more quiet, if possible.

Mama doesn't seem..._angry_. That's not quite the word I'm looking for. She's more scared, I think. Scared of what could have happened. You come home from work one day just to see crap all over the floor, burnt almost everything, broken glass, and two very sad-looking Greasers. What a surprise.

"Kirby, lemme talk with Keith," Mama says. She looks like she's going to cry. And she used TwoBit's real name. I feel sicker than anything.

My brother puts me down. His hands are sweaty on my bare arms. I'm expected to go to my room, stay out of it like I'm always supposed to 'cause it's not like I have anything to add. But my feet are glued to the ground. I can't move, except my fingers which are latched onto TwoBit's thumb.

"Kirby Elizabeth Mae Matthews," Mama says. "Go to your room," she says between clenched teeth.

I shake my head. Crickets outside are chirping and it's like the first time I've ever noticed. If you think awkward silences are silent, you're wrong. I really want some earplugs right about now.

"Keith, take her," Mama says, turning away with her fingertips to her temple, trying to ward off a headache. She still hasn't taken off her shoes. I'm glad 'cause she'd probably trip on some carrots with those slippery socks she has to wear at her job. One wrong step and it's Halloween two years ago all over again. Just ask Johnny.

But once more, I'm the kid who's not there. "Take her," Mama had said, like I'm not here, like I'm _deaf._I don't think people realize how that hurts me, how I feel hot and singed over those words. I'm gonna catch on fire like Ma's apron. And I can't even tell anyone this.

TwoBit starts leading me off. I can tell he's trying not to get upset. But I don't let him. This happened because of what I did, not him, so why the hell should he be the one getting the lecture?

"Kirby Elizabeth," Mama snaps. She pushes TwoBit away and reaches for my elbow. When I jerk away, she brings her hand across my face. I draw a quick, stunned breath. I've been slapped around a bit, TwoBit smacks the side of my head plenty, and Dally, as expected, has done the same. Even Mama is sometimes rough with me, but this was more than a slap. This was a _hit_meant to hurt.

I stumble backwards, into my brother's chest. At first it doesn't hurt, but in a couple of seconds there's a flash of pain starting just beneath my eye all the way down to my jaw. I clutch at my chest, wondering if she's gonna do it again. I squeeze my eyes shut.

I feel TwoBit's sweaty hands under my arms as he lifts me up. My head falls onto his shoulder. I already hear the sobs rising in Mama's throat. TwoBit starts walking, but I don't know where. "Go to hell," he growls. He's talking to Mama. I throw my arms around his neck, holding onto his greasy hair. He stomps out the front door. His other hand that's not holding onto me of fishing around in his pocket for his keys.

* * *

><p>We drive around Tulsa for the longest time. TwoBit stops at the DX and comes out with a stolen pack of cigarettes and some marshmallows for me. I don't eat them 'cause I'm afraid if I do I'll throw up. I don't even ask if Soda or Steve is in there. I like Sodapop, but Steve is an ass. So I wouldn't care anyways.<p>

TwoBit's not even listening to Elvis, or talking my ear off. He just drives fast and has one smoke after the other. It smells so bad I have to open the two back windows. I start sneezing, don't get a single, "Bless you," or, "Keep that to yourself next time," or, " Did you get any on you?" When I breathe out through my nose it makes a whistling sound.

After half an hour, maybe, we stop at Ponyboy's. I get a knot in my stomach and my face flushes. Quickly I follow my brother. He stops and smooshes the cancer stick under his heel. Keeps walking. Flings open that door like he does it in his sleep. Usually I'd be super excited, 'cause it's not every day my brother takes me out and about town. And to the Curtis', even better.

It's only about nine at night, so everyone is still awake. TwoBit doesn't give his usual greeting. Instead he just stomps to the fridge. No beer. He drinks all the milk up before Darry even stops ironing to say hello.

I close the door behind me. Close the screen quietly. Darry ruffles my hair. I smile and wave. He stiffens. "TwoBit," he says, walking to the kitchen, "what the hell is going on here?"

That leaves me.

I walk as fast as possible without running into Ponyboy and Sodapop's room. Pony is reading _The Grapes of Wrath_, and Soda is laying on the bed, his nose bright bright bright red like Rudolph. Just like Pony, Kleenex is strewn all over. Pony has passed the bug on.

"Hey, Kirb." Pony looks up from his book. He's well over halfway through it.

I wave as Soda says weakly," Hiya, Kirby." He's sick, but his voice is so sincere. The sound fills me with tenderness.

"How you doing?" Ponyboy asks nicely, patting the spot next to him. I crawl up onto their bed and sit squished in between the two brothers. I wish I was happy, but as soon as Ponyboy asks me if he can read to me, does my hand fly up to my face. My fingers trace the spot that still is smarting.

Mama hit me. The only one I can talk about my loves to. The only girl, I mean _woman_, I can express myself to. Daddy's gone, Bonnie's gone, and Ma's going. I lay my head on Pony's shoulder. He shifts a little, I can't tell if it's comfortable or not. I hear Soda snort. Pony goes back to reading. I'm not really listening. I take my fingertips away from my jaw and fold my hands in my lap like in a prayer. I think, _Pony's not gone_.

**That'll be it for at least two weeks. I'm on holidays :) So if I don't reply to your review, I'm sorry and I promise I will later. Enjoy your summer! **

_Listening to: The Night Chicago Died, Paper Lace_


	14. Chapter 14

HeDgEhOgSwItHsUnGlaSSeS, **thanks! Yes, you are a Greaser Girl. Say it loud, say it proud :)**

S.M. Scott, **yes, Two-Bit is dumb, but it's why we love him ^^ Thanks **

Fourteen

**I'd never realized** how hard it is for me to sleep alone. When I began drifting off, Pony steered me by my shoulders to the couch, handed me a blanket, and said, "Goodnight." But I can't sleep. TwoBit went out to, "Get beer," but I've been laying here threeeeeeee hours and he's not back. This happens almost every night at home, but he's always _always _back by 3:00. He's not coming back tonight.

I have such an incredible feeling of emptiness that my stomach really aches. Even the fact Pony is like about eight steps away kills me. I can't go in there. He'll take it all wrong. I just hate the sensation of being cold and not having something next to me. And then he's _right _there and I can't do anything is like dangling a carrot in front of a dumb donkey or something.

Morning finally comes and it's the usual Curtis family chaos. Sodapop is so sick Ponyboy has to practically carry him to the living room. He can't go to work so Darry is all nervous and eats way too much toast with not enough butter, I think.

Darry tells Pony to take care of Soda, and Pony rolls his eyes. For once I'm glad I'm not being noticed. It's hilarious watching these boys. Soda's eyes are all watery and Pony's worried about him, so he's shoving a Kleenex box in his face. And Darry is Darry-running around, mumbling stuff about getting cough syrup and the ironing and where's my keys?

Once they're gone, Pony goes back to _The Grapes of Wrath_, still not leaving his brother's side. I find this very awkward. I'm just sitting here with nothing to do but twiddle my thumbs. Pony is too involved in the book to notice me, which I admit hurts a little. Luckily Sodapop tries to strike up a conversation.

"How are you?" he asks, sounding very sick.

I smile, but it's the most fake I've ever given. Faker than when my aunt Mary got TwoBit an Elvis record and me a pink frilly dress for Christmas. Fifty eight minutes of every hour I'm thinking of Mama. Every five minutes I'm touching my jaw. Remembering the scent on her hand, of perfume and beer.

"Good, huh?"

I nod, kinda make a _mmm_ sound, like I'm agreeing.

Then it's quiet again, except for Soda's sniffles and Ponyboy's page turning. At last Soda says, "TwoBit told Darry what happened, and he told me."

What a relief. It's not a damn secret anymore.

"And if I was you, I wouldn't take none of that stuff she said or did for real. 'Kay, kid?"

If anyone else had said that I may have bursted out in crying. But 'cause Soda's saying it, and a sick Soda at that, it shows he cares enough to say this even though he's hurting. Things in the world don't seem so bad at the moment.

"And you can come here..." _Ahhh...Ahhhhhh...choo_! Soda sneezes, then goes on, "-anytime you need to. You dig alright, Baby Girl?"

I nod again. _Yes, things don't seem so bad_, I think, and I take my fingers away from my face.

* * *

><p>I keep expecting for Pony to get up and leave, but he never does. He just stays with Soda the whole day, as do I. Like a greasy statue. Until there's a knock.<p>

Thrilled, I run to answer it, just praying and hoping with all I've got it my brother. I should have known it wouldn't be him way earlier, since when has TwoBit ever knocked on any door? Instead it's Constance. At least I think it is.

"Hi," the girl says slowly. She kinda looks like Constance, but with shorter hair and normal clothes. No skirts or tye-dye. She looks scared, kinda curled in on herself like a puppy. The girl reminds me of Johnny some, just whiter, more see-through. Johnny's nice, but he's somehow quieter than me. I don't mind him, but I find it strange being around someone who's been hurt so bad so many times.

Then the girl smiles, and I'm blinded by shining silver. Yup, it's Constance. I'd know those metal things on her teeth _anywhere_. I guess she's trying something new, or going back to how she was. She ain't a Flower Child anymore, that's for sure. She's been different ever since Bonnie left. In fact I haven't seen her for awhile since then. I feel a stab of guilt.

"Butterfly, hi, Butterfly. Your mom said you were here. I wanted to let you know I still haven't forgotten about ya." She's smiling, but she still looks like something's gonna jump out and go _boo_!

'Your mom,' she said. I guess Mama somehow knew where me and TwoBit would be. That makes me happy in a bittersweet way. It's nice she knows exactly where we'd go, but then if she does, why won't she come and get us?

Right now I'm kinda stuck. I can't invite her in, 'cause it's not my house, and can't shoo her away 'cause I can't hurt her feelings.

Constance's eyes go wide and she takes a small step back. I look over my shoulder, and there's dearest Ponyboy, smiling, come to save the day. "Hello," he says to Constance. Constance looks like Pony's something from her nightmares. She bows her head and mumbles, "Hi there."

I look at him, then her, then back to him and then her.

"You're Kirb's friend? I'm Ponyboy Curtis."

"Nice to-to meet you," she mumbles," and I realize she's scared of him. Pony's the last person on Earth you should be afraid of. She says, "I'm Constance Camona." Quietly she adds, "I like your name."

I know Pony gets upset when people make fun of what he's called, but it's plain as day Constance is being sincere. He smiles and I'm insanely jealous it's directed at her and not me. "It's my real name," he says, "says so on my birth certificate."

Constance looks like she doesn't know what to say. She raises her head, finally looks into Pony's eyes and goes, "My name is real, too."

* * *

><p>Soon as Ponyboy asked Constance inside, her and Sodapop wouldn't shut the hell up. "Heyya, who's your friend?" Soda asks from the uncomfortable looking position on the couch. He's laying on his stomach and the blanket Darry gave him is in a tangle at his feet. The Kleenex box is under his arm.<p>

"I'm Constance Camona," she says, again folding into herself at the sight of another big mean Greaser with a head cold. Being afraid of these brothers is like being afraid of the ground. Don't be. That's bull.

"Constance?" Soda asks loudly, seemingly coming to life. "That' the weirdest name I ever heard!" Then he went on after a pause, "I'm Sodapop. I'd shake your hand, but..."

That finally got Constance to crack a grin, to loosen up. And just like that I can't get either of them to be quiet. Ponyboy is back to his book, and I'm back in the middle, apparently forgotten about again. But this time it's okay, 'cause I've never seen Constance happier. And what's best is she doesn't need to wear bright happy colours to make her feel that way.

_Listening to: Moneytalks, AC/DC_


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry this is short. School :( Next chapter is epic ^^ **

HeDgEhOgSwItHsUnGlaSSeS, **yeah, Constance is a little...backwards XD **

Fifteen

**Constance stays two** whole hours until she says her mom wants her home soon. Today is her dad's birthday so her mom took the day off to visit him in the hospital. She says she'll get in trouble if she doesn't bring him, "The Gift."

"What did'ja get him?" Sodapop asks, curious like a little kid.

Constance is grinning. "Guess."

Soda grins back, despite feeling like crap. How does the Curtis family manage to be so happy even when they have a cold? When I catch a cold I hate the world and everyone in it. Not even TwoBit's Mickey voice or the sight of or a Winnie the Pooh story book could make me less miserable. Only Rocky Road ice cream. Maybe.

"I don't know, honey. Just tell me."

At the magical H word, Constance's face grows ten times redder. She must feel the way I feel about Ponyboy. It's then I realize I don't even know how old she is. To me it doesn't matter. Constance is ageless. She could be fifteen or fifty. It's all the same.

"Okay," she says, and I swear her voice is squeakier. She bites her lip. "I'm getting him a bow tie."

"Isn't that more of a father's day thing?"

"It could be."

"No. It is."

Constance throws her hands up. "Well, it doesn't matter. I'm sure he'll like it."

"I'm sure, too."

"That's groovy. Very groovy." Constance looks at me. Yes, I have been noticed! She says, "Kirby, do you wanna go for a walk?"

I nod. _More than anything._

* * *

><p>It's just like the old days, me and Constance, bumming around Tulsa. Why is she normal all of a sudden? I poke her shoulder and pinch some of her normal clothes. "What, Butterfly?" she asks. I feel some relief. At least I'm still, 'Butterfly,' to her.<p>

I do it again. This time I accidentally pinch some skin. She doesn't complain.

"Oh." Constance keeps her head down and waits until we cross the street to answer. It rained last night and there's puddles all over the ground. They're purple and orange and pink in the sun. I'm dying to step in one. I don't, though, 'cause right now she's deciding to walk with a real purpose. I struggle to keep up. "She left," Constance says. She means Bonnie, again. Why won't she just say her name?

_Yes._

"I don't know." She shrugs. "When she left, stuff just kinda stopped matterin'. I started listenin' to Mom. It just ain't important, what I used to think." She brushes some hair behind her ear, then cracks her neck.

Jesus, that actually makes sense to me.

I'm about to reach up and give her a hug, when Rebecca, a girl from my class with straight A's as well as fiery red hair, runs from the candy shop and straight up to me, a lollipop in her hand. "Kirby," she says, out of breath. "I've been looking for ya! You know Felicity?"

Felicity. She's in the other grade five class. She's a Soc with long black hair that's always in two perfect braids. I don't talk to her. I really have no idea what she's like, except she's a Soc and that's a good enough reason to stay away.

"She wants to fight you. You kissed Dougall."

_I did not_. I know who Dougall is. He's a middle class kid, who's apparently dating her. In fact I'm pretty sure he's Bacon's little brother. He has the same hair, only it's a little more blonde than red. He's good-looking. He lives around the Shepard's turf. But I'm Kirby, the mute girl, no one wants to kiss _me_. And I sure as hell don't wanna kiss him.

"She said tomorrow at noon, meet her behind the school yard," Rebecca finishes. I think she may have said something else, but I wasn't listening. I'm so pissed off I can't think. "And she said don't bring a blade or your fat brother. Her words, not mine." Rebecca sticks the lollipop back in her mouth for a moment. "TwoBit's funny," she says, "really funny." Then she trots off. "Bye, Kirby!"

Constance is frowning. "Did you kiss him?"

I roll my eyes and mouth _no_. We keep going and Constance has her arm around me tight.

That last thing Rebecca said, that does it. Nobody calls my brother fat and gets away with it. Not _anyone_. I don't care if she's a Soc. There's not much I hate in life, but I hate Felicity.

* * *

><p>At supper, Constance drops me back off at the Curtis house. She has to go to the hospital. She picks up her bike off the grass and rides off. It makes a weird <em>squeak squeak squeak squeak <em>sound, and I think TwoBit must have hurt it more than we ever thought.

Darry is home and welcomes me back like I live here. It makes me feel fuzzy inside, but at the same time I get a bad taste in my mouth. I think of Mama and my tingling jaw starts up again.

TwoBit's there, sprawled on the couch, and to my horror so is Dally.

"Honey!" TwoBit's running at me. He lifts me upside down and swings me by my ankles. My head almost scrapes the carpet. "I hear what's happenin' tomorrow! So I brought some help!" He puts me upright and shoves me at Dallas.

I swallow the lump in my throat and try to meet his gaze. Dallas is _grinning_ at me, and it's not in a nice way.

_Listening to: Going to California, Led Zeppelin  
><em>


	16. Chapter 16

**Love me forever. Here you go :) **

HeDgEhOgSwiThSuNglaSSeS, **Two-Bit is just so smart that way ^^ **

Sixteen

**"What am I** helpin' anyone with?" Dallas asks as I take a long step backwards. He's always made me nervous, but having him right there in my face like that is not something I ever wanted happening.

"Kirb's fight."

"What?" Dallas cocks his head to the side. "What'd you say? A fight?"

TwoBit smiles proudly, like I've won the Nobel Prize. "Kirb's gettin' in a fight."

Dallas' icy glaze is back on me. "Yeah, kid? This your first rumble?"

Damnit, move, Kirby, he's asking you something! I'm frightened as a statue. Stupidly, I shake my head up and down.

"Who's the victim?"

"Some dame who's mad 'cause Kirby kissed her man."

What the hell? How does everyone know about this? I'm the only one who doesn't know, and it's about _me_? I'm the one about to get my ass kicked and no one has told me. And where did anyone get the idea I kissed Dougall? 'Cause even my own brother seems to believe it. I smack TwoBit's chest.

"No way. She tough?" Dally wonders.

"We don't know," TwoBit says, taking my hand away from himself and squeezing so hard I swear I hear a bone cracking. Oh, so now it's, 'We'?

"Alright then." Dallas' eyes light up. He gestures towards me. "C'mere."

I try to move, but my feet are sadly glued to the floor. I take a deep breath and look away, hoping he won't notice, he'll forget I'm here like everyone else does. I wish I could disappear into a dot of nothingness. Why does it happen when I don't want it to? Maybe it's Daddy haunting me. I know he didn't leave 'cause of me, but judging by the way life is going maybe it is my fault. I don't even know if Daddy is dead or alive. All that I care about is that he's not_ here_.

Dally nods grimly. In a firm voice that demands you don't screw with him, he says, "I said, 'come here.'"

Somehow my feet make their way over to Dally. I stand an arm's length away. He yanks on my arm until I'm right close to him, standing in between his thighs, so close I can smell the beer and smoke on him. God, it's worse than TwoBit! Yet there's something pleasantly sweet mixed in there with the alcohol and Kools. I notice this particular smell more than the others. "Hit me as hard as you can."

"She ain't ever hit anyone, Dal," TwoBit says. Which isn't true. I've hit him plenty and we all know it.

"Make a fist," Dally says, ignoring my brother. "Show me your fist."

I scrunch my fingers into a ball and push them into my palm.

He's frowning. What did I do this time? "Damn, you're gonna break your thumb doin' that." He almost gently slips my thumb from underneath the row of knuckles and places it over top of them. "Glory," he mumbles like I'm stupider than anybody he's ever seen. "_Now_hit me."

From a safe distance TwoBit is laughing his head off. His face is red trying to keep it all in.

I can't hit Dallas. That's insane. I keep the fist ready in case he comes at me, but there ain't no way I'm throwing the first punch. Dally seems to sense this. His eyes go softer, or that could be my imagination. "Go ahead," he says. "I won't hit you back."

I could laugh in his face. We're obviously not thinking of the same Dallas Winston.

"Punch me wherever it'll hurt."

With TwoBit laughing, expecting his little sister to make him proud, and with the meanest Greaser this side of the World in your face telling you to do something, then you do it.

"C'mon! That didn't hurt!" Dallas snaps after I tap his shoulder. "Hit me like you mean it. Don't make me take back what I said."

Heaven forbid. I mean it this time when I punch him. He said where it hurts, and I bet nothing hurts more than his nose. Well, besides the other place, but I'm a lady. Dally's head snaps back and my hand is aching already when I pull away. I uncurl my tightly clenched fingers, surprised the nails digging into my palm didn't draw blood.

"Hallelujah, she's done it," Dally says. He blinks rapidly and touches the side of his nose. For some reason his blonde hair looks blonder than ever as I stare at him. A small stream of blood trickles from his nose. If I were him, I'd be scared to death in a panic, but Dally's been beat up by Tim Shepard so a baby nose bleed won't bother him none. He just wipes it with the back of his hand and stares me down.

I stare back for once in my whole life. Nine years ain't an awful long while. TwoBit ain't laughing anymore, he's just quietly chuckling. I've made _thee _Dallas Winston bleed. If I'm going down, I'm going down brave.

With a quick hand Dally reaches out for my head. I flinch but don't back off. His palm comes to lay on top of my head, screwing up my ponytail. "Good for you."

Dally said, 'Good for you.' For _me_. Who would have guessed the only person who would truly notice me would do it 'cause I punched them.

It's the proudest moment of my life and I'll never know why. There can't be any logical reason for me to weirdly crave Dallas' approval, but here I am, basking in Greaser girl glory. And just like that it's over. Next thing I'm thinking of is Felicity, and I know without a doubt I'm screwed beyond belief.

* * *

><p>No fat brothers. No blades. I don't have either.<p>

There's a small crowd of kids gathered outside the Elementary school. Only about ten or fifteen. A couple I recognize, but most of them are rich kids no Greaser gives a hooting holler about. I look to the sky and really say Thank you for the support.

I see Dougall there, his head down, staring at his yellow Converses. He really looks shy, like he doesn't wanna be there. He'd rather be anywhere but here. Maybe he's embarrassed two little girls are fighting over him. I'd be. Think of how his manliness is being affected.

Rebecca's there. I think she may be the only Greaser. She's all over me, patting my back and saying, "Oh, boy, I don't blame you for kissin' that boy!"

Then I see Felicity, and again the thought washes over me like a flood_, I am screwed_.

_Listening to: I'd Love you to Want me, Lobo _


	17. Chapter 17

**What happens to Kirby actually happened to my auntie Amelia...So this is somewhat based on true events! **

Seventeen

**Felicity is pretty**, like very pretty. I feel so…underdressed, so unbelievably plain and ugly standing across from her, in one of Pony's t-shirts that's way way waaaaaay too big. Besides my top, she basically has the same stuff as me, but it's just cleaner…Like she carries herself better. I've never felt so little in my life.

It's the most embarrassing thing, but I was thrilled when Pony said, "Kirby, you're probably gettin' itchy in that thing," and then he handed me a white shirt. I have been at the Curtis' three days now, and I'm starting to miss home. And Winnie. And my own bed. TwoBit dropped off my toothbrush and some underwear for me, but that's all. There's times I thought I would die if I didn't see my Ma again, and then Darry would come and get me for supper and I'd sit there with these brothers. All this love. I've never been so loved before. The last time me, TwoBit and Mama ate together was so long ago I can't remember.

The t-shirt is a dingy white and has a small hole in the fabric at the bottom right. I don't ever wanna take it off. It smells like detergent and Ponyboy. Last night, 'cause I was so nervous about today, TwoBit slept with me on the couch. I asked him how Mama was, and he said he didn't know 'cause he's spent the last few days partying at Buck Merril's place, and when he grabbed my stuff she was at work. He fell asleep before I did, and ended up kicking me off the couch to the carpet. I didn't bother getting back up, as I had the shirt clutched to my chest, and all I needed was a pillow and the scent of that shirt and I'd be off to dreamland in no time.

I take a shaky breath and when I look up some people have already began walking away. _Glory, please let this end, don't let this happen_… Felicity is close to me, scowling, her dark eyes blazing when I haven't even done a damn thing yet. What am I gonna do? I take a second and think, and I mean really think. How stupid I look, honestly. How stupid this whole damn thing is. And I think, Why am I here? I don't care if TwoBit or Dallas or God would be proud of me for being brave, I have nothing to prove to this bitch. I've never done anything to her. I don't care if she knows it or not. I know I didn't kiss Dougall, and nothing else but that matters.

With this in mind, and my head still down, I turn on my heel and start walking back to Pony's, biting down on my bottom lip. For a short moment I feel like bursting out in laughter. A hand then grabs onto my shoulder and whirls me around. "Whore," Felicity says in a strange, whispery voice, and everything Dallas told me, as little as it may be, I remember._ Don't break your thumb, hit where it'll hurt_… Next thing Felicity is holding the side of her face with both hands, drawing in a sharp breath, her eyes squashed shut.

_Lord. Lord, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit her, I didn't mean it._

Frantic, I start walking away from her again, but just like that she's in front of me, her hands on my shoulders. She shoves me to the ground, I land hard on my back. It knocks the wind out of me and I struggle for just one breath. Even in this position, I can't help but notice what a nice day it is. The sun is out but it's not hot. A couple clouds hover over Tulsa like a blanket.

I think Felicity's saying something. My ears are ringing, though. She kicks my side, one, three, five times. I roll over and curl into a ball. They'll be some mighty fine bruises there tomorrow. I can breathe now, but I'm holding it in. She's stopped kicking, she's saying, "Get up, you little slut!"

I do. Everything is red, a big blur. The only thing I can see with crystal sharpness is the blade she's holding. She's gonna cut me up into a million tiny pieces and hide me in the walls of her house where no one will ever know where I am. And Ponyboy will never know what happened to me, and neither will TwoBit or Constance or Mama or Daddy if he cares or Dougall, who I'm feeling _really_ bad for. He looks guiltier than sin.

But no. I can't let myself die. WAY too many people will miss me! I can't let all these poor people down. Just like in the Three Stooges, I slap the blade out of Felicity's hand. Shit, that was easier than I thought it would be. It clatters to the ground at the same time I rear up and hit her in the forehead. Harder than last time. I hit her with all I've got, like I'm taking out everything bad in the world on her.

Felicity screams. She _screams_. And if I had a voice, so would I be. My hand feels like an elephant smooshed it. I uncurl my fingers and tears spring up into my eyes. I can't move it. Felicity had her hand across her forehead where I got her. Jesus, Mary and Joseph, I must have hurt her bad.

The very thought that I could so such a thing causes my knees to buckle. I'm kneeling on the pavement, staring at my hand in wonderment. Physically, I cannot move it.

I close my eyes and the tears start pouring down my cheeks. Felicity's eyes are watery, too, but she ain't crying like me. "Bitch!" she screeches at me. She kicks me in the ribs again, but my hand hurts so bad I don't notice. I hear murmurings of the kids behind me, but it's obvious no one gives a damn I'm laying here with a broken hand.

The only one who comes to my rescue is Dougall. He shoves Felicity away. "I told you!" he growls at her. "I told you," he says again a little quieter, putting a warm hand on my shoulder.

Felecity's still not crying. It's hard for her not to, with her boyfriend comforting the little mute slut. "Come on," he whispers to me, and helps me up. My muscles ache in protest and my legs are like jelly. But I allow the half Soc half Greaser lead me away. I can't even open my eyes, the sun is so bright and eveything hurts so bad, why did I get myself into this mess?...

"I think you busted it." I hear Dougall's calm voice float over the empty spaces. "Can I look at it?"

I whimper and shake my head. The only one I want touching me right now is TwoBit, and he didn't come 'cause he wants me to learn this stuff on my own. If he were here I wouldn't be forced to walk. He'd carry me.

"I knew nothing happened," he goes on. I still don't know where he's taking me, I'm way too afraid to open my eyes. He's the only one I can trust right now, I have no choice. "Felicity 's just an ass. She's always lookin' for a fight. I always liked you. She doesn't listen to anyone."

Oh God, my hand is killing me...

After a moment of silence, my legs buckle again and everything goes black. The last thing I hear is Dougall going, "Whoops, there she goes!"

_Listening to: Black dog, Led Zeppelin (I'm on a kick)_


	18. Chapter 18

HeDGeHoGsWiTHsuNglaSSeS,** GO KIRBY! Yes, he does seem pretty tuff so far ^^**

Eighteen

**The x-ray says **I broke my hand. Actually the phalanges, the teeny tiny bones are broken bad.

I woke up with my head on TwoBit's lap and the rest of my body spread out against Pony and Steve. Dougall is gone. When I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, I was in a plain white hospital room and all the gang, and Mama, were standing over me. Word gets around quick in Tulsa. Nine faces stare down at me, including Constance, and if you count Alice strapped to her chest, ten. My hand felt numb, and so did the rest of me. Then the doctor came in and all the crap I'd rather forget went on. I thought, and still believe, the x-ray they used on me is some sort of alien ray gun from space, but no one will believe me if I say it. I _know_ these things; I read it on the back of a comic book once. The aliens have pictures of the inside of my body and they're deciding if I'm worth eating or not.

Mama takes me back home with TwoBit, and the rest of the gang follows. They act like I'm dying. I'm doped up on pain killers and can't think. Mama carries me inside and TwoBit is talking and talking and talking. I'm not even listening more than usual. I do notice, however, how close Sodapop and Constance walk together.

Mama puts me on the couch and says, "Who wants to sign Kirby first?"

"Me!" TwoBit magically has a marker in his hand and is kneeling next to me. Everything is happening so fast. My head feels way too heavy to move so I can see what he's writing. Some of the others sign my cast, too. I'm more dead than alive right now; I'll read blah and bleh later. Then the second time in one damn day I'm out again.

* * *

><p>I wake up to a really gross munching and crunching sound. Little wet things are raining on my face. I open my eyes and TwoBit is there, eating an apple and reading…is that a Playboy magazine? I shift a little, roll over to my side even though I'm more of a tummy girl. Hand is starting to ache.<p>

"Angel cake, my lovey dovey honey bunch cherry…pumpkin noodle pie girl!" TwoBit half yells. Another round of chewed up apple bits assault my face. He grabs me under my arms and despite my protests he lifts me up and starts toting me somewhere. Hand is swollen and tingly, can't believe cast isn't falling off. This thing must be a bazillion pounds. "This may sound crazy, honey, but the only bone I ever broke was my toe, 'fore you were around." _Before I was around_ seems like never. It's hard to imagine life without my brother. Was he a really stupid kid who did stupid stuff, more stupid than Steve doing a backflip of a car with Soda? This is why I don't like Steve much. I'm always scared he's gonna grab me and flip me on my back or something and then laugh when I'm paralyzed in a wheelchair. _Stupid kid_, they say.

TwoBit takes me outside. Ponyboy and Johnny are sitting playing cards on the grass, sharing a cancer stick. The sun already set, I really must have been out for a long while. He dumps me beside them. "Look who's up and at 'em!" he says. "She's still a little funny feelin', ain't ya, Kirby, babe?" He tosses the apple core into some bushes.

"Hey, Kirby, how's the hand?" Pony asks. For once I don't want Pony. I just want Mama, but I may have scared her away for good.

I stare at the dingy white wormy looking thing on my hand, looks like a monster from an Alfred Hitchcock movie, maybe. I shrug big. Pony signed it, and Soda and Darry, and Johnny, TwoBit and Constance. No Steve or Dally or Alice. And Ally's a smart baby. My skin under it is getting really really really really itchy; I'm dying to _scraaaacth_ it, but I chew my fingernails to the quick so I have a hard time with itches anyway. Some ice cream sounds good, but Johnny's saying something.

"Hi."

I wave. Again, it's not that I don't like the guy, he's very nice to me and I once had a dream of me and him doing the tango, when I stepped on his foot and he died and we had a funeral and ate jelly sandwiches and Darry was there, complaining there was no peanut butter, but TwoBit gets a fat head from that. I don't feel so good. My eyes are all watery but I can't cry.

Johnny pats my unhurt hand. His skin is all warm. It feels like spiders are crawling all over me when he touches me. But he's smiling and nodding like I've done something special. I look at the scar on his face, I just wanna reach out and touch it, I've never felt such a big scar, I wonder if it's all bumpy or what. I lean forward. Next thing I know my cheek is pressed against the grass and I'm bent forward all funny, crinkly. I can almost hear the grass growing. Or my head is buzzing.

TwoBit is laughing, and Ponyboy and Johnny are, too, just not as loud and annoying. I can't see anything but green. TwoBit pulls me up and I realize Johnny was farther away from me than I thought. In fact, everything seems pretty far away today. "Never mind, boys, I guess she's not all that good." He grabs my good hand and pulls me back inside. "Comin'?" he says over his shoulder. Pony and Johnny follow us inside, where I'm again confined to the couch 'cause I'm going crazy 'cause I'm falling over everything and seeing stuff that's not there and hearing plants grow and stuff. It's like I'm drunk but I've never been drunk, I only tried beer once 'cause I thought it was apple juice and I threw up and Ma helped me clean it up but we were laughing a lot.

Ponyboy stays a while and we eat cheese and crackers, but I don't. Then he reads some George Orwell book out loud to me. I try to listen but I'm just so tired I can't. After a little while, Ponyboy leaves and I wave goodbye, but it feels weird using my left hand for everything. TwoBit went to get beer and oatmeal for Mama. Johnny is lying on the floor on his back. He's probably sleeping here tonight. I'd give him the couch where I am, but I can't move. Johnny smells like soap and smoke, but then I see Mama come in from work and it's really only her. She glances at Johnny quickly, smiles a little, chooses to let him be, and comes over to me instead. She strokes my hair and touches the cast with the tips of her fingers, carefully. It reminds me of how I touch my bruised jaw.

Mama kisses my hand. "Don't ever do that again," she says, and then bursts out laughing. I don't see why that's funny. I knew that a long time ago. "Oh, Kirby," she sighs. "You're supposed to be a lady…You ain't a scrapper, are you?"

I shake my head and mouth a firm _no_.

"I didn't think so," she laughs. "That's more your brother." She says this with a roll of her eyes. They're real pretty. They're green and it makes me want ice cream more than ever, but I bet green ice cream would be yucky. "And me, sometimes, "she whispers. Maybe it's because she can't say it, say what we're both thinking. Maybe it's 'cause Johnny's asleep. I know what Mama's trying to say without saying it. She knows I know she knows. Yeah. She knows I can never forgive her for that, and she doesn't expect me to. It seems like not saying anything out loud makes it better than it ever could be if we did.

**I love you guys so much and will miss ya...Only a few chapter left :( There will be a sequel. **

_Listening to: Delilah, Queen (**Seriously, listen to this song, you will LOVE it, I promise!**)_


	19. Chapter 19

**Well, this is it, guys...We're done...for now. *Bows* **

HeDgEhOgSwIthSuNglaSSeS, **Nope, Dougall is coming back, just a lot later. I'm so glad you're excited for the (most-likely) sequel! :)**

Nineteen

**Today my body **is really starting to hurt. There's bruises all over me, _ouch_, an especially bad one just above my left hip, and another bad spot that hurts a lot when I take a deep breath. I don't leave home all day, I don't see anyone but TwoBit and Mama who comes home early to make sure I take my pills 'cause she doesn't trust my brother to do it.

Johnny leaves quickly. I hardly have a chance to wave before he throws his jean jacket on and is out that door. I want to make him some breakfast, and reality hits, _Shit, I can't do anything_.

* * *

><p>Winnie is callingto me, so after that I start sleeping at home again but spend even more time at Pony's and Constance's. Her mom really can't stand me, so we go to the ice cream parlour and sometimes bring Alice. She's getting really fat. I hope I don't let my child get fat. Constance gave me to hold her once and I dropped her on her little butt. She cried a river, I felt so guilty I let her eat all my ice cream she wanted.<p>

Constance won't admit she's in love with Sodapop Curtis, but Soda will. He's always saying she's so pretty and stuff, always holding her hand. When we're eating our ice cream, me Rocky Road and Constance plain strawberry, I bring it up and she blushes more than the ice cream in the bowl, _whoa_. "Kirby, you know that ain't true. You know it." I poke her forehead and raise my eyebrows. She smacks me. "It ain't," she says, trying not to frown. I know love when I see it. Love makes you act all gooey.

Bonnie's happy. That's all Constance will say. She's starting to actually use the name _Bonnie_; it makes me drop my spoon. I probably would have dropped it anyway, 'cause my left hand is damn useless. Constance ain't a hippie no more, she says that's Bonnie's thing, but Bonnie's not completely gone from her life 'cause there's nothing she loves more than listening to Bob Marley really loud. Elvis is still tuffer, but the _Don't Worry be Happy_ song I really like.

One time with Constance and Ally I saw Felicity sitting on the front steps of a plain-looking house. She has a yellow dress on and a small bump on her forehead. Constance waits until we're out of ear shot, then snickers and tells me," That's never gonna go awaaaaay." She's trying to lighten the mood and pretend I never hurt anyone. We all know how she is about violence. Just today she almost shoved me to the ground after I was a step away from squishing a stupid snail. Alice gurgles in what must be agreement. I don't think I can ever forgive myself for that. The old feeling of guilt washes over me, blanketing me and wrapping me up like a bug in a rug. All I can think is _God please forgive me_. _Forgive_. I deserve broken phaly…whatever they're called. A broken hand.

I start begging Ponyboy and TwoBit to take me to The Dingo when they go every second night. I know I shouldn't be, but I am so angry right now and I don't know why. What a case I am. I'm the mute kid with a broken hand. It gives me a real good reason to sulk around.

Mama tries to cheer me up in the morning. I try to make Mickey Mouse pancakes for us, but before I really do anything, Ma's making me sit. She's _tssking_, pointing at the cast. "You can't,' she says, and even though she's smiling and looks so happy I'm still mad. Why did Felicity have to think I kissed Dougall, kissing is gross and why would anyone willingly kiss me unless a gun's pressed against their head. She must really hate me. Like the way I hate my hand. Like I'm not disabled enough! Doesn't it say somewhere in the Bible if your hand is troubling you, cut it off?

I spend forever looking for our family Bible. I can't find that line, but there's a ton of birthdays written in the front. I look at the four most important. _Cornelia Maude Kastel, January 8__th__, 1926. M-Lawrence Albert Matthews, March 29th, 1923. _There's a little line from that, and then TwoBit_. Keith Lawrence Matthews, June 20__th__, 1946. Kirby Elizabeth Mae Matthews, November 16__th__, 1955. _There's a big space after each name for when we're gonna die. I don't like it. Someone somewhere is just _waiting_ for the Matthew clan to die out.

For the next while I read the first three chapters of Genesis. Man was made in God's image. God is perfect, but 'cause Adam and Eve sinned we're all screwed. I'm screwed even worse than everyone. I'm positive God and Adam and Eve had perfectly normal vocal cords. I'm going to hell 'cause I really hurt someone and I hate people and I wish Ponyboy loved me and I wish Daddy would either come back home or die.

I bite my knuckles in a sudden flurry of emotion. I rush to me and TwoBit's room and take out my crayons and pencils and some paper. I start drawing.

* * *

><p>I write Dougall a thank you card. I draw hearts and smiley faces like at Constance's house, say <em>Thank you for helping me even when I beat up your girlfriend. Kirby Matthews.<em> I stick it in an envelope which I draw a green cat on, and seal it with my spit. This by no means makes up for the horrible things I've done in my nine years of being alive, but maybe for something smaller, like calling Steve an ass in my mind. Maybe smaller everyday things will keep me out of hell. Or at least it will make me like myself better.

But I have no clue where I would find Dougall's. Dougall is really different from Bacon. I hope such a nice kid doesn't end up all sad like his brother, taking little girl's cookies in the middle of the street. All this stuff makes me unhappy again, so I tuck the envelope at the back of my underwear drawer and go off to get TwoBit away from the T.V. and go to Ponyboy's.

* * *

><p>At Pony's no one is there, and my heart sinks. I wish they were sick again just so they could be here. I pout in a corner while TwoBit's right back at the T.V. with some cake. He says, "Baby, I know you're upset, but don't you think your brother's upset too? Don't you think I miss your cookin'?" Damn him, I can't help the grin spreading across my face. "You know how much I'm pissed my little girl's hurt? Do you have any idea, darlin'?"<p>

I crawl over to him and lay across his lap. He twirls his finger in my hair. My very not blonde hair. "I hate you're hurt. But for next time, you'll sure know how to kick the shit outta someone, huh? Ain't ya glad I brought Dally over?"

I nod. I am.

TwoBit smiles. I wipe some chocolate from his chin.

We watch a James Cagney gangster movie. He talks so funny, I'm so glad I'm a sixties child and not a thirties. No one is safe in the streets. I know it's a movie, but it's a movie based on true events.

Sodapop is home first, Steve right behind him. They're arguing pretty loudly over something, and before I can think what I usually think when I see Steve, I replace the nasty thought with _What lovely cheekbones that Steve has_. Better than calling his something mean. "TwoBit, why'd you eat all the cake?" Soda yells from the kitchen.

"I didn't!" he calls back. "There's still a piece or two at the bottom of the box! Look harder!"

I pick at some unravelling of the cast. I may not be able to talk, but I really have life good. I think back to Genesis. Maybe I'm luckier than unluckier. _Why _not_ me_?

With TwoBit glued to the T.V. and Soda in the shower, I'm left at the kitchen table with a glass of milk and Steve. I wanna suggest arm-wrestling, but that's stupid. That's a guy thing. I rest my chin in my hand and sigh.

Steve looks up. "Bored, kid?" he asks.

I nod in a very exaggerated way.

He slaps his hands on the table and grins at me funny. "Write a book," he says. He nods like he's agreeing with himself, then pushes the chair back loudly and walks to the cupboard. He takes a large glass out, before anything else happens I know what he's doing. TwoBit used to do it to me all the time. He goes to the sink and fills it with icy cold water. He walks towards the bathroom, chuckling evilly. Poor Sodapop. A ten finger knuckle cracking later I hear screams and swears coming down the hallway. Even TwoBit's cracking up, choking. He gasps, "It hurts!" I smile wider. Yup, I for sure have got it good.

Write a book. Maybe Steve with the lovely cheekbones is right. I grab some paper from Pony's homework desk, and then a pencil. What would a mute like me write a book about? Getting the pencil comfortable in my left hand is hard, but I can get used to it. I could be ambi-whatever one day if I try.

Let's see. There's a lot I can say. I can talk about Constance and how her sister left to bring peace wherever she goes, I can talk about my fat beer-guzzling brother who I love anyway. My pretty Mama, my gone Daddy, my love Pony, my hand, Bacon, Dougall, a Soc with a bump on her head, Dally being proud of me... I'll start with the first thing anyone ought to know about Kirby Matthews. Gestures are all that I have...

**A reaaaaly huge thanks to my best friends**: OutOfMyBox, writer3098, LostLittlePuppy, HeDGeHoGsWiTHsuNglaSSeS, spicygurl, S13foreverfan101, NotADeamYetNotANightMare, S.M. Scott, McCartney-Sodapopx333, and Hopefully13, **and all else who stuck with me. I love you very much! ^^ ****  
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><em>Listening to: April Wine, Tonight is a Wonderful Night<em>


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